No.100: Chill, Says the Lord

I call myself a knight.
He asked me why. 

I said:
You told me to fight
with a pen full of rhymes
in armor that shines,
with a voice that binds,
with lightning in my eyes,
I'm the son of Your right--

the more I lied,
the more I felt a thought trying to rise,
but I'm the captain of my mind so
I blocked out the night
before it could find me,
but the more I tried,
the faster it came, 
the harder it hit.

A switch flipped, 
like a glitch fixed,
the moment was quick, 
but I realized
I was talking up a storm
to hide what I knew in theory,
but finally felt inside, for real, for the first time--

I fight because I don't know
how to do much else.
So when Exodus 14:14 told me to be still,
I found it paralyzing,
and I knew
that was the part of me You’ve been trying to kill.

A warrior should not be given a sword,
or gloves to box,
if he doesn't know when to stop.

If I would just put the blade down long enough
for You to fight my battle and heal the wounds, the need to prove,
maybe I could actually enjoy my lot.

I cannot be You.
You are God and I am not.
I have my own cross.
I was never the star.
To the bench I go.
I am not who I thought.
I am just--

You are not “just” anything.
You are just fighting the wrong things, the wrong people--
look in the mirror.
Remember who you are.
I crafted you, bought you with my blood.
So let go of your scars.
Keep calm and carry on, 
there is a purpose behind it all.
I will fight for you.
 
Check the score. I never lose.
Have some faith. ‘Cause neither will you.

Cover Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplas