No.132: Today I Have a Name

I learned this the hard way:
You can't enjoy life if all you do is critique it.
But you can't live right if you defer to your demons.

The first lesson
of my adulthood has been
to inspect, delete, and reprogram
everything
I was previously programmed to think.

I'm a saint, I'm a heathen,
depending on what I believe in--
that's the stuff of dreams,
but over here we call it grace,
over here we speak what has yet to be seen
and call it faith, 
call it play,
call it scandalous, 
to wake up every morning
with Yahweh in your lungs
and nothing but today.
The past don't own me,
the future don't know me,
but today, 
today I have a name,
cosmic vibes pulse through my veins,
magic sleeps in my brain.
I will not waste it
letting others
think for me,
or decide how I use my words.

Today I have a name,
and it is my own.
I am a product of this earth,
but my allegiance is elsewhere.
I serve a different throne.
And it is worth more
than all of their gold,
it is worth my soul, 
it is the first and last home,
it is the birthplace of my name,
it is all I want to know.

* * *

Everything else has tried to take Your place.
Everyone else has tried to impersonate.
Even I have tried to self-atone.
But it always fails.
‘Cause You are God alone
and only You can save. 

You embedded the freedom of choice into my name,
knowing that was the only way real love could spread its wings.
But I chose the cage, I used to be ashamed
until You showed up
in the center of my pain
and took it like it was Yours. 
Now, some days, when I look in the mirror, 
I see Your face.
I hear a chorus.
And it sounds like grace.

Cover Photo by John Jason on Unsplash